And Why It's Not Avoidance
Self-care has become a strange phrase. For some people they imagine bubble baths, canceling plans, and ignoring responsibilities. For others it sounds selfish, something people do when they don't want to deal with real life.
Neither of those images or definitions are very helpful. In fact self-care isn't an indulgence or avoidance. At its core, self-care is about stewardship and the relationship we hold with ourselves.
It's practicing care for the life God has entrusted to us, our minds, our bodies, our emotions, and our spirit so that we can live faithfully, love others well, and remain grounded in the midst of a demanding and often times traumatic world.
Neither of those images or definitions are very helpful. In fact self-care isn't an indulgence or avoidance. At its core, self-care is about stewardship and the relationship we hold with ourselves.
It's practicing care for the life God has entrusted to us, our minds, our bodies, our emotions, and our spirit so that we can live faithfully, love others well, and remain grounded in the midst of a demanding and often times traumatic world.
The Impact of Stress
Whenever we encounter something demanding in life—a pressure placed on us individually or socially—stress is our natural bodily response.
This stress includes both “good” stress and “bad” stress. Yes, even positive experiences like moving to a new place, making a new change, receiving a job promotion, going on vacations, etc… can cause stress in our lives.
Stress is a by-product of our physiological response for self-preservation. Something perceived as a threat causes a change in our bodies to be able to “deal with” that threat the best way our bodies know how to (fight, flight, or freeze).
If we encounter a bear hiding in the woods, for example, the stress we experience causes us to react in a way to get out of that trigger (hopefully with minimal damage).
When it’s time to give a speech, run a marathon, or join a new social scene, our stress response can be useful to push through fear or pain. And when this happens, our bodies quickly bounce back to normal once the stressful event is over, and there’s never any lasting effects.
Unfortunately, we were not built for prolonged exposures to stress. While some stress is helpful, many of us are constantly bombarded with moderate to highly stressful circumstances in a hyper connected, fast paced, expectation driven world.
We react to “bears” hiding in all parts of our lives. But they don’t go away. Plus many of us have had “normal” stressors exasperated with any number of recent events.
The result is long term negative effects to our physical and mental health.
It’s important you don’t ignore the physical and emotional warning signs of stress in your life. The Practice of Self-Care begins and ends with how comfortable (and yes, how often) you are honest with yourself about how you are addressing everything that
goes on in your life.
It’s easier to write off the symptoms you experience and the impact that “stuff” is having in your life than it is to deal with it and to make the hard decisions to change things up towards something more life-giving.
This stress includes both “good” stress and “bad” stress. Yes, even positive experiences like moving to a new place, making a new change, receiving a job promotion, going on vacations, etc… can cause stress in our lives.
Stress is a by-product of our physiological response for self-preservation. Something perceived as a threat causes a change in our bodies to be able to “deal with” that threat the best way our bodies know how to (fight, flight, or freeze).
If we encounter a bear hiding in the woods, for example, the stress we experience causes us to react in a way to get out of that trigger (hopefully with minimal damage).
When it’s time to give a speech, run a marathon, or join a new social scene, our stress response can be useful to push through fear or pain. And when this happens, our bodies quickly bounce back to normal once the stressful event is over, and there’s never any lasting effects.
Unfortunately, we were not built for prolonged exposures to stress. While some stress is helpful, many of us are constantly bombarded with moderate to highly stressful circumstances in a hyper connected, fast paced, expectation driven world.
We react to “bears” hiding in all parts of our lives. But they don’t go away. Plus many of us have had “normal” stressors exasperated with any number of recent events.
The result is long term negative effects to our physical and mental health.
It’s important you don’t ignore the physical and emotional warning signs of stress in your life. The Practice of Self-Care begins and ends with how comfortable (and yes, how often) you are honest with yourself about how you are addressing everything that
goes on in your life.
It’s easier to write off the symptoms you experience and the impact that “stuff” is having in your life than it is to deal with it and to make the hard decisions to change things up towards something more life-giving.
Self-Care As A Spiritual Practice
What is Self-Care?
It is the intentional act of attending to and caring for our own physical, mental, social, spiritual, and emotional health.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, and it calls us to glorify God in our own bodies. Romans 12 begins with an appeal for us to present our bodies as a “living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to
God…” and in Psalm 139:13-14 we hear the truth that we have been formed by God with purpose—we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
When we care for ourselves, we are honoring the gift of life God gives to us, and we nurture our ability to love more richly. We consent to God’s action that happens within each of us by making
decisions, taking steps, and leaning into healthier rhythms and a way of “being.”
In fact, most people ask what it means to “be”—well, you can learn to “be” more through Self-Care. This practice also recognizes that you can’t “be” without having healthy “doing.”
Why is Self-Care important?
Sure we can avoid Self-Care by labeling it a selfish act, but then again Jesus made it a regular point in his life and ministry to care for his needs in the midst of healing and loving others.
The truth is that it's impossible to be fully present, openly compassionate, and deeply vulnerable with others if we are empty, depleted, barely hanging on with very little to give ourselves for others.
And we cannot hope to bring healing to others if we aren't grounded to God in the first place.
Self-Care is an essential practice to our wellbeing, and our ability to live out the Gospel. When we believe it’s more important to sacrifice ourselves to please others, or when we mistake
service and God’s mission as sacrificing our own self to make others happy, we work against the abundant life God promises and Jesus makes possible for us.
We disconnect from our true self as we strive for faith that has been boiled down into simple people pleasing. When we care for
ourselves, we will have so much more to give, and it will be with greater quality. We show just how much life giving our faith in Christ really is—yes, God loves me, and so I love me.
It is the intentional act of attending to and caring for our own physical, mental, social, spiritual, and emotional health.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, and it calls us to glorify God in our own bodies. Romans 12 begins with an appeal for us to present our bodies as a “living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to
God…” and in Psalm 139:13-14 we hear the truth that we have been formed by God with purpose—we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
When we care for ourselves, we are honoring the gift of life God gives to us, and we nurture our ability to love more richly. We consent to God’s action that happens within each of us by making
decisions, taking steps, and leaning into healthier rhythms and a way of “being.”
In fact, most people ask what it means to “be”—well, you can learn to “be” more through Self-Care. This practice also recognizes that you can’t “be” without having healthy “doing.”
Why is Self-Care important?
Sure we can avoid Self-Care by labeling it a selfish act, but then again Jesus made it a regular point in his life and ministry to care for his needs in the midst of healing and loving others.
The truth is that it's impossible to be fully present, openly compassionate, and deeply vulnerable with others if we are empty, depleted, barely hanging on with very little to give ourselves for others.
And we cannot hope to bring healing to others if we aren't grounded to God in the first place.
Self-Care is an essential practice to our wellbeing, and our ability to live out the Gospel. When we believe it’s more important to sacrifice ourselves to please others, or when we mistake
service and God’s mission as sacrificing our own self to make others happy, we work against the abundant life God promises and Jesus makes possible for us.
We disconnect from our true self as we strive for faith that has been boiled down into simple people pleasing. When we care for
ourselves, we will have so much more to give, and it will be with greater quality. We show just how much life giving our faith in Christ really is—yes, God loves me, and so I love me.
Leaving Work At Work
If you are like me, there are times where you are constantly mulling over work details outside of work time. It’s hard to relax, and sometimes you dread going back to work the next day.
Unfortunately, excessively bringing work home has been shown to lead to burnout. Follow these tips to effectively reduce taking work stress home with you.
Unwind on the commute home.
Use this time to mentally transition between your work life and your home life. Allow yourself time to adjust by gradually shifting your thoughts from work stuff to other activities.
Consider using music, silence, or a book on audio to help in this process. Sing out loud. Dance in the car. Take deep breaths. Offer up your work day as a prayer to God.
Practice mindfulness | Centering Prayer.
On your way home, or whenever you find yourself worrying about work, use your imagination to visualize the stress and worries of your work being lifted up by God. One by one, hand these worries to God.
You can also use a sacred word that has meaning for you, to quiet and center your mind. Use meditation or Centering Prayer to orient yourself to the present moment, leaving anxieties and stress behind you, and focusing on God’s presence before.
Plan the next day before leaving.
Write down your rough plan for the next work day, including a schedule of when to work on each project so that you aren’t worrying about what you will do the next day.
Leave this schedule at work. Once you finish it, do not revisit it until the next working day (resist the temptation to keep tweaking it).
Do something fun.
Watch your favorite TV show, listen to a fun podcast,
read internet memes, play a quick game, share a joke or listen to one. It’s important to take break in the midst of work to allow your brain a chance for recharging and to refocus. Spending too much time stuck in an activity is not helpful.
It is also helpful to keep smiling. Just the act of smiling and laughing can trick your mind into thinking more positively.
Research suggests you give yourself at least an hour’s worth of rest for every 8 hours of work (you don’t have to do this all at one time).
Unfortunately, excessively bringing work home has been shown to lead to burnout. Follow these tips to effectively reduce taking work stress home with you.
Unwind on the commute home.
Use this time to mentally transition between your work life and your home life. Allow yourself time to adjust by gradually shifting your thoughts from work stuff to other activities.
Consider using music, silence, or a book on audio to help in this process. Sing out loud. Dance in the car. Take deep breaths. Offer up your work day as a prayer to God.
Practice mindfulness | Centering Prayer.
On your way home, or whenever you find yourself worrying about work, use your imagination to visualize the stress and worries of your work being lifted up by God. One by one, hand these worries to God.
You can also use a sacred word that has meaning for you, to quiet and center your mind. Use meditation or Centering Prayer to orient yourself to the present moment, leaving anxieties and stress behind you, and focusing on God’s presence before.
Plan the next day before leaving.
Write down your rough plan for the next work day, including a schedule of when to work on each project so that you aren’t worrying about what you will do the next day.
Leave this schedule at work. Once you finish it, do not revisit it until the next working day (resist the temptation to keep tweaking it).
Do something fun.
Watch your favorite TV show, listen to a fun podcast,
read internet memes, play a quick game, share a joke or listen to one. It’s important to take break in the midst of work to allow your brain a chance for recharging and to refocus. Spending too much time stuck in an activity is not helpful.
It is also helpful to keep smiling. Just the act of smiling and laughing can trick your mind into thinking more positively.
Research suggests you give yourself at least an hour’s worth of rest for every 8 hours of work (you don’t have to do this all at one time).
Self-Soothing Vs. Self-Care
Popular culture often conflates soothing and Self-Care. While there is a relationship between the two (and they are both important), there are differences. And these differences can be significant.
Self-Soothing are activities we do to help us cope and get through a certain moment in life, whereas self-care is a longer-term strategy that’s focused on helping you meet your needs. For example, taking a bath, eating chocolate, shopping, binge watching your favorite show—these are all soothing activities.
However, they don’t deal with the actual problem that’s causing you to sooth in the first place.
Self-Care often means “standing up” to deal with and make hard decisions to change things—rather than trying to alleviate the pressure in the moment. It seeks to build up resilience within you and to thrive and move forward in life.
This might even mean changing certain habits which may not feel pleasant in the moment. This might even mean changing long held relationships for the purpose of health, and can be speaking truth in love.
Self-soothing is essential for our growth and success as healthy adults. We learn through childhood how to sooth, and we may not be fully aware of how often we sooth in our daily rhythm. These activities help us get through daily stressors and crises that would otherwise help us become overwhelmed and gripped with feelings (imagine a child throwing a tantrum). Allowing ourselves to sooth can create healthy space for us to revisit those difficult
feelings and impulses later.
Soothing skills are tools in your toolbox to use in immediate situations. Self care is using those tools intentionally for the purpose of health and wholeness.
EMERGENCY SOOTHING KIT
When we are going through something significantly difficult in our lives and we approach the line of feeling lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, unmotivated, rejected, exhausted, or burned
out, it’s way too easy to turn to unhealthy coping strategies that only make us feel worse.
For example, we “hit the bottle” to drink ourselves numb, or we spends hours and hours of binge watching shows to escape what is happening around us.
To help keep us from falling into those unhealthy strategies, consider creating a 24 hour emergency self-care kit that is
easily accessible. This will help keep healthy coping strategies accessible, and can serve as an emotional first aid in times of stress and burnout.
This kit should be tailored to you and what helps you feel better. And while even thinking about all the good things you will put in your kit can bring relief and lift your mood you want to make sure you put this kit together when things are going well. Don’t wait until you are in the midst of a difficult time to be scrambling to put something together.
The kit should include enough options that it would help lift your mood for at least 24 hours. You will also want to periodically revisit your kit to update and change out the things within the kit to reflect your current needs and interests.
Self-Soothing are activities we do to help us cope and get through a certain moment in life, whereas self-care is a longer-term strategy that’s focused on helping you meet your needs. For example, taking a bath, eating chocolate, shopping, binge watching your favorite show—these are all soothing activities.
However, they don’t deal with the actual problem that’s causing you to sooth in the first place.
Self-Care often means “standing up” to deal with and make hard decisions to change things—rather than trying to alleviate the pressure in the moment. It seeks to build up resilience within you and to thrive and move forward in life.
This might even mean changing certain habits which may not feel pleasant in the moment. This might even mean changing long held relationships for the purpose of health, and can be speaking truth in love.
Self-soothing is essential for our growth and success as healthy adults. We learn through childhood how to sooth, and we may not be fully aware of how often we sooth in our daily rhythm. These activities help us get through daily stressors and crises that would otherwise help us become overwhelmed and gripped with feelings (imagine a child throwing a tantrum). Allowing ourselves to sooth can create healthy space for us to revisit those difficult
feelings and impulses later.
Soothing skills are tools in your toolbox to use in immediate situations. Self care is using those tools intentionally for the purpose of health and wholeness.
EMERGENCY SOOTHING KIT
When we are going through something significantly difficult in our lives and we approach the line of feeling lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, unmotivated, rejected, exhausted, or burned
out, it’s way too easy to turn to unhealthy coping strategies that only make us feel worse.
For example, we “hit the bottle” to drink ourselves numb, or we spends hours and hours of binge watching shows to escape what is happening around us.
To help keep us from falling into those unhealthy strategies, consider creating a 24 hour emergency self-care kit that is
easily accessible. This will help keep healthy coping strategies accessible, and can serve as an emotional first aid in times of stress and burnout.
This kit should be tailored to you and what helps you feel better. And while even thinking about all the good things you will put in your kit can bring relief and lift your mood you want to make sure you put this kit together when things are going well. Don’t wait until you are in the midst of a difficult time to be scrambling to put something together.
The kit should include enough options that it would help lift your mood for at least 24 hours. You will also want to periodically revisit your kit to update and change out the things within the kit to reflect your current needs and interests.
Self-Care Rhythm
If we aren’t intentional in how we plan on engaging with the practice of Self-Care, it will eventually fall into the background
before disappearing completely. Life does happen, and stressors
will continue to “pop up.” Not to mention—not everyone values
Self-Care.
To begin, consider simply blocking 5, 10 or 30 minutes per day
in your calendar for you to practice Self-Care and expand from
there. The purpose is to make it more manageable for you to lean
into the practice—especially if you have a schedule packed with
“stuff.”
However, the more you start shifting your rhythm, the easier it will be for you to increase the time allotted for daily Self-Care. The goal for future self would be to have at least two hours every day dedicated to some form of Self-Care (this includes
devotional time).
Tip: set the alarm on your phone or watch so it will remind you. You can use placeholders for activities you know you want to do, but may not have fully fleshed out. It’s simple and works like magic.
before disappearing completely. Life does happen, and stressors
will continue to “pop up.” Not to mention—not everyone values
Self-Care.
To begin, consider simply blocking 5, 10 or 30 minutes per day
in your calendar for you to practice Self-Care and expand from
there. The purpose is to make it more manageable for you to lean
into the practice—especially if you have a schedule packed with
“stuff.”
However, the more you start shifting your rhythm, the easier it will be for you to increase the time allotted for daily Self-Care. The goal for future self would be to have at least two hours every day dedicated to some form of Self-Care (this includes
devotional time).
Tip: set the alarm on your phone or watch so it will remind you. You can use placeholders for activities you know you want to do, but may not have fully fleshed out. It’s simple and works like magic.
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