YOU CANNOT SEPARATE WHAT GOD HAS JOINED.
We want to find wholeness. We want to live full lives. So we work on ourselves to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Yet most of us were never taught how to be whole.
We were taught how to perform, achieve, behave, believe in the right things. But rarely were we taught how to integrate our emotions, our bodies, our histories, our faith into a coherent, grounded self. We look at each aspect of ourselves as separate parts, yet they are all intimately tied together.
In the same breath, we've grown accustomed to presenting a curated versions of ourselves online. We've been encouraged to suppress our doubts, preserving our sense of belonging. We get comfortable numbing stress instead of processing it.
We learn how to present what is acceptable, and conceal what feels inconvenient. And over time, our fragmented lives become normal, becoming a single, defining narrative we mistake for integration.
This always comes with a cost.
To be spiritually whole, or to fully spiritually alive, means we care to live deeply and fully. We love enthusiastically and completely. And our source of validation comes from within; we are both comfortable with who we are and love who we are becoming.
Without integration, our sense of self becomes externally determined (and not by God either). We shape-shift to maintain belonging, usually at the expense of finding true belonging. This, of course, makes criticism devastating and approval addictive. We create superficial harmony at the expense of authentic connection. And those emotions we've worked so hard to suppress... they don't go away. They leak.
Unprocessed anger can become sarcasm. Unacknowledged sadness becomes numbness. Unexamined insecurity becomes control. Unexplored fears become chains.
Emotions don't disappear, they come out sideways. Like ignoring a dashboard light in a car, eventually an integral part of the car breaks and causes a much more expensive problem in the future.
THE MYTH OF HYPER SPIRITUALITY
One of the most subtle dangers of fragmentation is our use of spirituality to avoid emotional reality. When encountering something difficult, many (including myself) were taught:
It weaponizes Spiritual language, and it becomes a shield against vulnerability. We use God as a way to avoid having to wrestle with our doubts or parts of ourselves we don't like. We use the bible to compartmentalize our faith from other aspects of our journey. We ignore the warning signs that exist before compassion fatigue and burnout. I could go on and on with examples.
You don't have to look very far in history to see spiritually active but emotionally immature leaders. In fact a lot of the struggles Christianity is wrestling with today is rooted in this very problem.
OUR EMOTIONS AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH MATTERS SPIRITUALLY
Wholeness demands that we turn toward the parts of ourselves that we would rather avoid. Wholeness is knowing what to do in both the light and in the dark.
So when we talk about emotional and spiritual wholeness, it's not about perfection (flawlessness). It's about integration that leads us towards perfection (completeness). It's the slow work of becoming the same person on the inside and outside.
Emotional and spiritual health are not competing priorities. They are inseparable dimensions of us as the image of the Divine.
Our emotions aren't rooted in something bad. In fact, there is no such thing as a "bad" emotion (I am not including shame here because that is a whole different conversation). .
Emotions are windows, little flags that wave to us when something happens.
Anger, for example, signals violated boundaries or a value we hold.
Sadness signals loss.
Anxiety signals perceived threat.
Jealously signals an unhealthy relationship that needs some attention.
To ignore an emotion is to ignore important insights into our being. And they often provide an opportunity for us to do something, to choose something different to connect or love more fully God, ourselves, or others.
We were taught how to perform, achieve, behave, believe in the right things. But rarely were we taught how to integrate our emotions, our bodies, our histories, our faith into a coherent, grounded self. We look at each aspect of ourselves as separate parts, yet they are all intimately tied together.
In the same breath, we've grown accustomed to presenting a curated versions of ourselves online. We've been encouraged to suppress our doubts, preserving our sense of belonging. We get comfortable numbing stress instead of processing it.
We learn how to present what is acceptable, and conceal what feels inconvenient. And over time, our fragmented lives become normal, becoming a single, defining narrative we mistake for integration.
This always comes with a cost.
To be spiritually whole, or to fully spiritually alive, means we care to live deeply and fully. We love enthusiastically and completely. And our source of validation comes from within; we are both comfortable with who we are and love who we are becoming.
Without integration, our sense of self becomes externally determined (and not by God either). We shape-shift to maintain belonging, usually at the expense of finding true belonging. This, of course, makes criticism devastating and approval addictive. We create superficial harmony at the expense of authentic connection. And those emotions we've worked so hard to suppress... they don't go away. They leak.
Unprocessed anger can become sarcasm. Unacknowledged sadness becomes numbness. Unexamined insecurity becomes control. Unexplored fears become chains.
Emotions don't disappear, they come out sideways. Like ignoring a dashboard light in a car, eventually an integral part of the car breaks and causes a much more expensive problem in the future.
THE MYTH OF HYPER SPIRITUALITY
One of the most subtle dangers of fragmentation is our use of spirituality to avoid emotional reality. When encountering something difficult, many (including myself) were taught:
- Just pray more.
- You aren't praying (or believing) hard enough.
- Don't feel that, it's a bad emotion.
- Feelings aren't important, faith in Jesus is.
- God is enough. You don't need to process, you need to trust.
- Emotions are part of our "fallen" nature.
- Grow up.
- You aren't trusting God enough if you feel....
It weaponizes Spiritual language, and it becomes a shield against vulnerability. We use God as a way to avoid having to wrestle with our doubts or parts of ourselves we don't like. We use the bible to compartmentalize our faith from other aspects of our journey. We ignore the warning signs that exist before compassion fatigue and burnout. I could go on and on with examples.
You don't have to look very far in history to see spiritually active but emotionally immature leaders. In fact a lot of the struggles Christianity is wrestling with today is rooted in this very problem.
OUR EMOTIONS AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH MATTERS SPIRITUALLY
Wholeness demands that we turn toward the parts of ourselves that we would rather avoid. Wholeness is knowing what to do in both the light and in the dark.
So when we talk about emotional and spiritual wholeness, it's not about perfection (flawlessness). It's about integration that leads us towards perfection (completeness). It's the slow work of becoming the same person on the inside and outside.
Emotional and spiritual health are not competing priorities. They are inseparable dimensions of us as the image of the Divine.
Our emotions aren't rooted in something bad. In fact, there is no such thing as a "bad" emotion (I am not including shame here because that is a whole different conversation). .
Emotions are windows, little flags that wave to us when something happens.
Anger, for example, signals violated boundaries or a value we hold.
Sadness signals loss.
Anxiety signals perceived threat.
Jealously signals an unhealthy relationship that needs some attention.
To ignore an emotion is to ignore important insights into our being. And they often provide an opportunity for us to do something, to choose something different to connect or love more fully God, ourselves, or others.
The Work of Integration
Emotional and spiritual wholeness develops through intentional practices.
Awareness
NOTICING WHAT IS TRUE
We are only able to recognize, appropriately name, and then manage our feelings and thoughts if we are truly honest. This includes both answering truthfully when asked "How are you doing?" and spending time becoming more aware of what is happening within. We need space to go deeper. Sometimes this means we need to stop, and seek outside help through trained professionals or through appropriate medications.
Awareness leads to space; we often bypass awareness because we are conditioned to move quickly. We override subtle emotional cues in order to stay productive. However, when we strengthen our ability to be aware, we operate slow enough to observe without immediately reacting. And that space is where freedom begins.
We are only able to recognize, appropriately name, and then manage our feelings and thoughts if we are truly honest. This includes both answering truthfully when asked "How are you doing?" and spending time becoming more aware of what is happening within. We need space to go deeper. Sometimes this means we need to stop, and seek outside help through trained professionals or through appropriate medications.
Awareness leads to space; we often bypass awareness because we are conditioned to move quickly. We override subtle emotional cues in order to stay productive. However, when we strengthen our ability to be aware, we operate slow enough to observe without immediately reacting. And that space is where freedom begins.
Acknowledgement
NAMING WITHOUT MINIMIZING (OR EXAGGERATING)
Awareness becomes transformative only when it moves into acknowledgement. We can resist spiritual bypassing because we aren't seeking to fix, justify, or theologize what we are feeling. We simply speak the truth in love. Here we reconnect our emotional life with our spiritual life.
This is often where fragmentation begins to dissolve. Instead of presenting a curated version of yourself, even to God, you bring your unedited self into the light. If we look in the Bible we see the raw emotional and spiritual power of honesty in the Psalms and Lamentations. It's not treated as rebellion, but as prayer. We also see the power of naming something throughout the two testaments.
Awareness becomes transformative only when it moves into acknowledgement. We can resist spiritual bypassing because we aren't seeking to fix, justify, or theologize what we are feeling. We simply speak the truth in love. Here we reconnect our emotional life with our spiritual life.
This is often where fragmentation begins to dissolve. Instead of presenting a curated version of yourself, even to God, you bring your unedited self into the light. If we look in the Bible we see the raw emotional and spiritual power of honesty in the Psalms and Lamentations. It's not treated as rebellion, but as prayer. We also see the power of naming something throughout the two testaments.
Acceptance
ALLOWING WITHOUT SELF-REJECTION
Acceptance doesn't mean approval. It means you stop fighting the fact that something is present. You stop saying things like:
"I shouldn't feel this way."
"This is wrong."
Good Christians don't struggle like this."
Acceptance says: "This is what I am experiencing right now." When we resist an emotion, it'll intensify to try and draw our attention to it, so that we can then name and claim it. It is also a spiritual act of humility. We accept that we have our limits and needs.
And without acceptance, we provide extremely fertile ground for shame to grow unchecked.
Acceptance doesn't mean approval. It means you stop fighting the fact that something is present. You stop saying things like:
"I shouldn't feel this way."
"This is wrong."
Good Christians don't struggle like this."
Acceptance says: "This is what I am experiencing right now." When we resist an emotion, it'll intensify to try and draw our attention to it, so that we can then name and claim it. It is also a spiritual act of humility. We accept that we have our limits and needs.
And without acceptance, we provide extremely fertile ground for shame to grow unchecked.
Surrender
RELEASING WHAT IS NOT OURS TO CARRY
Letting go is the final movement that transforms awareness into freedom. After we notice, name, and claim, we ask:
What here is mine to carry? \\ What must I release?
When we talk about letting go or surrendering, we talk about:
Releasing unrealistic expectations
Releasing another person's emotional responsibility
Releasing the need to control outcomes
Releasing resentment through forgiveness
Releasing an identity built on performance.
Surrender does not deny reality, it entrusts reality to God, who just so happens to be fully present with you in these moments. This is where spiritual integration deeps. We begin to live from a grounded center.
Letting go is the final movement that transforms awareness into freedom. After we notice, name, and claim, we ask:
What here is mine to carry? \\ What must I release?
When we talk about letting go or surrendering, we talk about:
Releasing unrealistic expectations
Releasing another person's emotional responsibility
Releasing the need to control outcomes
Releasing resentment through forgiveness
Releasing an identity built on performance.
Surrender does not deny reality, it entrusts reality to God, who just so happens to be fully present with you in these moments. This is where spiritual integration deeps. We begin to live from a grounded center.
WHY THIS MATTERS
Without awareness, we live unconsciously and allow unchecked space for sin to fester.
Without acknowledgement, we live dishonestly and allow space for co-dependency to form.
Without acceptance, we live and operate in shame and allow space for abuse/injustice to happen.
Without surrender, we live in chronic tension and allow space for sin to completely consume us.
Together, these movements narrow the gap between our inner and outer life. We can enter into healthy conflict without losing ourselves. We can experience and process emotions without being ruled by it. We can be deeply connected to God without pretending we are.
Integration and our faith is not about becoming emotionless, impassioned robots who feel obligated to believe and stick to God out of fear or because it's something we've always done.
It is about becoming internally aligned with God and the Spirit, to become the fullness of Christ.
Without acknowledgement, we live dishonestly and allow space for co-dependency to form.
Without acceptance, we live and operate in shame and allow space for abuse/injustice to happen.
Without surrender, we live in chronic tension and allow space for sin to completely consume us.
Together, these movements narrow the gap between our inner and outer life. We can enter into healthy conflict without losing ourselves. We can experience and process emotions without being ruled by it. We can be deeply connected to God without pretending we are.
Integration and our faith is not about becoming emotionless, impassioned robots who feel obligated to believe and stick to God out of fear or because it's something we've always done.
It is about becoming internally aligned with God and the Spirit, to become the fullness of Christ.
Posted in (W)Holy Faith | Emotional and Spiritual Wholeness
Posted in Guilt, Shame, Emotional Regulation, Burnout, Boundaries, Attachment
Posted in Guilt, Shame, Emotional Regulation, Burnout, Boundaries, Attachment
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